Unspoken Truths: The Hidden Signals Behind Everyday Actions
Exploring how body language, humor, conversation, and consumption reveal our true intentions
*This is Part 2 in a series on The Elephant in the Brain by Kevin Simler and Robin Hanson*
Read Part 1 here:
A popular claim is that over 90% of communication is non-verbal. While this figure is probably exaggerated, it does point to an important truth: body language plays a crucial role in how we communicate—often in ways we aren’t consciously aware of.
In this and the next part of the series, we’ll explore domains of life where our true motives are hidden, even from ourselves. We’ll examine how we attempt to mask them through behaviors like body language, laughter, conversation, consumption, and art.
Body Language: Involuntary Honesty
We’ve all encountered people who try too hard to use body language. Think of the pushy salesperson who places a hand on your shoulder or uses forced physical contact to build quick rapport. It feels unnatural because it is. Body language works best when it’s involuntary. That’s why we tend to trust it more. It feels honest.
Consider this example: at a work meeting, you pointedly ignore a rival coworker or avoid eye contact when they speak. Later, when confronted, you can plausibly deny any intention with conviction. This is the power of body language: it communicates things we might not even admit to ourselves.
On reflection, you may find that you feel threatened by this coworker. Your body language is not just an unconscious reaction, but a subtle signal to others that you’re in competition. This type of indirect signaling helps us navigate social conflict while maintaining plausible deniability. It lets us send messages without having to consciously engage in deceit.
Laughter: Social Distance Revealed
Laughter functions in a similar way. It’s involuntary, which makes it revealing, especially about our social connections. Consider who we laugh at: we’re more likely to laugh when a stranger trips than when our best friend does. We may even laugh at someone getting mildly hurt—so long as there’s emotional distance and no real danger. We don’t laugh at Grandma falling down the stairs, but we might laugh if a friend does the same.
This behavior gives us insight into the strength of our relationships. The less emotionally invested we are in someone, the easier it is to laugh at their expense.
Laughter also reflects our relationship to social norms. For example, in 2012, a comic strip portraying the prophet Muhammad sparked outrage among Muslims. Others found it humorous. Why the difference? Those who laughed were distant from Islamic cultural norms and didn’t share the taboo. Humor here served as a signal of cultural distance.
Conversation: More Than Words
Speech may seem like a straightforward way to exchange information, but it’s often anything but. Functional conversations, those that merely transfer data, are rare and boring. Most human conversation is performative. It’s a kind of dance, where each participant subtly showcases their intelligence, status, or social value.
When we talk, we’re signaling why we might be a good ally, showing off knowledge, connections, or problem-solving abilities. At the same time, we’re assessing the other person’s usefulness. If conversation were just about exchanging facts, it would be much shorter and drier.
Consumption: Competitive Signaling
Our purchases also function as social signals. The authors describe this as competitive signaling—trying to look helpful, eco-conscious, or wealthy. Whether it's buying an electric car or a designer handbag, we’re trying to signal traits others will find valuable.
Economist John Maynard Keynes predicted that technological advances would drastically reduce how much we need to work. Instead, we now work as much, or more, than ever, while buying far more than we need. Why? Because our consumption has less to do with need and more to do with signaling.
This is why advertising works. Take Corona’s “Find Your Beach” campaign. It doesn’t tell you anything about the beer’s taste or ingredients. Instead, it builds an emotional association between Corona and relaxation. At your next party, bringing Corona might signal to others that you want a chill, easygoing evening.
Art: Beauty as a Signal
Art, like luxury goods, serves no obvious survival function, yet humans have made art for over 10,000 years. Why? Because art is a costly signal of talent, intelligence, and spare resources. In prehistoric times, time spent making art was time not spent hunting or protecting the tribe. Creating art meant your basic needs were met so well, in fact, that you could afford to make something with no immediate benefit. That made it a strong mate or ally signal.
Today, we value handcrafted art over cheap factory reproductions. Not because the materials are better—but because we intuitively understand and admire the time, skill, and uniqueness involved. It’s the human effort we’re buying, not just the product.